Neffectual

You were simple once before I broke into your bedroom door I found you hiding under sheets I’d never seen you look so sweet You curved your face into a cry I never stopped to wonder why You had closed your door to me As I undressed at let you see. You broke your nails upon my back With snarled retorts of what I lack You drove your mouth up onto mine You never were the patient kind I worried skin with sharp white teeth You lay there and shook beneath And I could not begin to know Just how far you’d make me go. You wanted much and I said yes My hands were tied beneath your dress You wanted blood and I said no We both had so far to

You do what you can.     It isn't enough, but then, what is? I show you my scars, can I give you my scars -                             corded arms wrapped so tense from the days when I soaked through the gauze and cried                   hopeless                         helpless. Those days when I soaked through the gauze                                                     I closed my eyes and wouldn't                      wouldn't cry                               that would admit my weakness        blood seemed simpler, at the time                                       something unseen, something inner. And it was i

0 – The Fool – Space It is the nature of things that space desires to be filled. He stands on the cliff top and presses the water a little harder to erode around the base, wishing the damned thing would simply crumble and vanish, falling into the sea and letting the water drag him down.  He closes his eyes and thinks about taking that final step off the edge, no care for where he goes, and then steps backwards, before opening his eyes.  The body he has bumped into is small, slight, slender, and he smiles before he can stop himself. "I've told you about that." "I know." Demyx smoothes the smile out into a neutral expression befo

Chapter Six – A Sharpened Edge He's woken later, the room dark, the candle having guttered out hours ago, to a creak on the stairs.  He relaxes again, because it's just Axel, coming up the stairs to bed, but then there's a hushed whisper.  There's more than one person approaching his bed.  He slides a hand carefully under the pillow to where he keeps his knives, and draws a slender leather pouch from the side of the mattress.  Throwing knives make hardly a sound when he unwraps them and slides four out of the sheath.  There is no flash of light on steel, because these are assassin's blades, all of them, and they are therefore burned a c

Part Seven - Forever is Shorter It ends in the only way it can.  Roxas can't be self-sufficient, not really, and he's been trained now, imprinted, believes himself in love with Sora, despite the evidence that it's bad for his health, that it's something no one should feel after being locked in a room for days at a time, lonely, aching, needy.  He has no way of earning a living, no way of helping himself to get on with his life, such as it is.  He exists for Sora, and yet Sora's finding that he wishes he'd never wanted someone who existed only for him, that he'd been selfless enough to cope with his own loneliness, or just to go out with Axel

They met through a mutual fuck, that's how Reno phrases it, with a smile, although he thinks up something a little more polite when he calls his mother to let her know he's bringing an extra for dinner this Christmas.  Axel is everything he's ever wanted; sarcastic and bright, a beam of energy and a force of nature, until he gets to bed and then he goes pliant, biddable, the best kind of submissive, the one who'll fight you every step of the way, but never enough to actually win the battle.  He's got a sharp tongue, but a smile behind it to soothe the way, to take the sting out of it.  He's sweet, that's what his mother says, grasping his wri

I hear him calling me. This is not unusual, with children.  They do not understand that the helper their parents gave them was bargained for with their soul, can not understand why nanny no longer wants to play their games and tuck them in at night. They are given a simplistic version, of course.  "Nanny's going to gobble you up."  "Uncle Davey just wants to take you away from all this." but the children are rarely, if ever, told the truth about their caretakers, and never dare to ask. Only once has a child ever bargained his own soul for the pursuit of revenge and a lifetime a little longer than that he might have had.  And what a child;

When I first realised, it was difficult; Whatever it was he saw, The doctor smiled at me and beckoned As I slipped in through the door. He spoke to me of past and now And how the future goes Whilst I looked at walls, so blank and bare, And tried to remain composed. I'd been in this place once before, I then confided thus But had been turned down, pushed away As trying to make a fuss And how it all began and started, well To dwell on that is farce As it's over now and backwards And I hide behind a mask. So often, when I'm smiling And it all seems quite alright, It means I spent the hours before Howling to the night. But I'

You were simple once before I broke into your bedroom door I found you hiding under sheets I’d never seen you look so sweet You curved your face into a cry I never stopped to wonder why You had closed your door to me As I undressed at let you see. You broke your nails upon my back With snarled retorts of what I lack You drove your mouth up onto mine You never were the patient kind I worried skin with sharp white teeth You lay there and shook beneath And I could not begin to know Just how far you’d make me go. You wanted much and I said yes My hands were tied beneath your dress You wanted blood and I said no We both had so far to

"We're not finished, we'll never be finished – don't you dare walk away from me!" And this is it, the only way they do things any more, the only way they get into each other's personal space, Axel crowding him against the wall, hands on his wrists, Roxas batting at him as much as he can, but never once using his legs, never kicking out, never truly driving the redhead away as he claims a savage kiss, biting down, and then Roxas kicks out, shoving Axel backwards and away from him, and he's bleeding, he knows he's bleeding, and this has all gone far too far to stop it now. Axel looks at him, eyes ablaze, and wipes Roxas' blood off his ow

He knows the stereotype of the danseur, but he can never really believe that his hero would be the way he is, to be abhorrent, like he is.  It is true, the popular view is that to enjoy watching men dance is to enjoy men, and it is true, also, that Roxas fits that particular stereotype as uncomfortably as a ballerina in her first pair of pointe shoes.  He accepted that he was gay years ago, but can not yet let anyone know, for fear of ridicule, for fear of losing what little love he has managed to hold onto within his life.  He doesn't want to watch his mother make that disappointed face, to watch his sister look

It was a bright and sunny morning in Ponyville, and Shenny was already up and about, a pale-brown earth pony, with rich chestnut man and tail.  He had a big event to get ready – this year, he'd been chosen to organise the Grand Galloping Gala – him!  How vividly he remembered his first events, as a colt, tea parties with forlorn bundles of twigs and dolls 'liberated' from fillies on the playing fields.  Now here he was, organising the mane event for all of Equestria!  He was determined to do it differently – which was why instead of heading to Vinyl Scratch's place, he was instead venturing to the edge of the Everfree Forest, t

Chapter One – Ready to begin Axel Clarke wasn't sure why control had sent them off for a routine engineering issue in the Kellion.  Sure, she had a reputation for being reliable, but that was an old reputation; she was almost as old now as they ship they were going to aid, and that was being decommissioned soon.  Not only that, but they had put Xemnas in charge of the laughably named 'mission', with Saïx as Senior Medical Officer, when everyone knew Saïx wound Xemnas up since the end of their affair three months ago.  And Xemnas was known to be erratic anyway, never mind when he had an ex-lover baiting him.  They all remembere

It's a few weeks before Axel spots him again, leaning against the bar, a different corset this time, because, after all, he left the other behind on the floor, and a sleek, leather kilt – has to be a kilt, no way anyone but the ignorant would call it a skirt – in place of the gauzy thing he was wearing before.  The hair's the same, as is the stream of men being turned down, but the heels are lower, more comfortable, more sensible.  He's learning.  Axel, on the other hand, is in the skyscraper boots tonight, teamed with an ankle length skirt which seems to be more hole than fabric, held together with a number of belts, chains and str

He didn't cry when they put her in the ground.  He couldn't, not now, not as the only member of the family, and he'd never so readily cursed that absent father, the lack of a hand on his shoulder, an understanding look, the way their grief would sit, heavy on the throat, suppressing words.  Without that, Axel was the only mourner, really, with a few of the village having come for the look of the thing, but it's a pauper's funeral, no slow procession, no grieving family left behind, no crying children – just Axel, biting the insides of his cheeks because tears are no option for the woman who gave him everything, and if he started, he knew

"It isn't fair." "Nothing in life is fair, Rox." Roxas wasn't there when it started.  He met Axel in the summer, before all of it happened, but spent that year wrapped up in himself, worrying, spending time with his own friends.  Axel had buddies, Axel had a house off campus, and Roxas didn't need to worry about him, well into his second year, with Roxas just starting to understand what college was about.  He wasn't there until the tiredness got too much, until Axel was nearly arrested for assaulting his ex with a knife, the boy finally pushing too far and forcing through that fragile exterior.  Axel had bruises on his arms for days.  He di

There was not a lot for the two of them to say to each other, and Axel was grateful for the official business which needed taking care of, the way that the servants bustled around them, so they almost never had a chance to be alone.  Roxas had bags under his eyes and either came to bed after Axel and left before he woke, or was not sleeping at all.  He suspected the latter, the way the boy looked in the brief moments that they did see each other, limp and unwashed clothes hanging from his frame, rumpled and stained with ink.  He had been banned from the stables, Axel knew, and so it was he who took the horses out, careful on Moxie with his ad