Injured

And it takes days to take hold.
                  When you look back, it all happened so fast,
       Lying on the floor, crying out to anyone
                                              To save you
            To show you that it was impossible.
                                       You thanked those who told you
       It was all just pretend
              All just attention
                                 Because you hoped to believe it.

You are contagious
               Something which would pass through womb
                           And into skin
         If you weren't barren, marked with a cross
                                             Sign burned in, no harbour here
                  Never know those tiny hands in yours
                                                Nothing to hold onto.

You shake under pressure,
                       Mind blank, spine shooting dark pain
        Breathing too complicated
                     Eyes darting wildly
                                           Tears falling
        Because you're broken
                         Maybe you've always been broken
                                     But now people are allowed to tell you so.

You are lonely
                  Trapped in pain, outside of others
        Closed in and shuttered indoors
                               Typing into the dark
                                                 So busy hating yourself
               That there's no time for anyone else.
                              You hate your arms, your legs
                       Your face, your heart, your lungs
                  Your fingers and toes, your stomach
           Your brain and spine and eyes and ears.
                                 You hate everything which marks you out
                    And that scares them more than anything.

You are unexplainable
               No way to put in words what each step means
                             That five pills a night
                                      And an injection a week
         Make you cry even as they help you
                 Surely you shouldn't mind your frailty
                        Surely you'll get used to it
                               Surely it's not a big deal.
             Those who know, know already
                   To educate is to injure yourself
                         And yet, you can't stop.
          When you're in so much pain already,
                                     What's a little more?