Hiya guys.

Sorry I've been a bit remiss in journals lately. I was really struggling with my illness, specifically seizures, and that was winding me up too much to really talk about it.  I've sorted that out, but depression's sinking back over, so I'm just... trying to keep going, trying to keep pushing through.  Hopefully I'll get some meds at the end of this week, although I have mixed feelings about their effectiveness.

Work is... work. It's very hard to work with children when you're not feeling fully in control of your own life, so that's becoming something I'm getting a lot of anxiety about.  I worry I'm not doing a good enough job, or not teaching at all, like I'm just turning up but not helping, not improving anything... just being there. I've started having nightmares about the kids I teach drowning. It doesn't feel like a good omen.

There's a new chapter of Old College Try, which some of you may remember - Roxas, kicked out of his house, finds himself taken home by a grotty redhead who finds him in an alley - which is on the lj here: [link] I'm working on another chapter for that, too.  Ballet chapter is being worked on, but the situation is pretty high-stress for me right now, so writing's going slowly. It's like I need four hours to unwind my brain before I can even begin to think of writing, and I just don't have that time anymore.

I might get something done this weekend, as I'm home by myself from Thursday night onwards, but I'm working Saturday, Sunday and Monday, and that's paralysing me with fear right now, so we'll see how that goes.  I'd like to do a new chapter of Learning to be Sick for May 12th, Saturday, which is International CFS/ME/FMS Day, but I'm just not sure if that's possible right now.  Maybe I'll do a poem instead.

TL;DR - I'm depressed and probably not writing you anything. Sorry.