Neffectual

Fibrous and Chronic

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Difficult/Simple by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Difficult/Simple

You were simple once before I broke into your bedroom door I found you hiding under sheets I’d never seen you look so sweet You curved your face into a cry I never stopped to wonder why You had closed your door to me As I undressed at let you see. You broke your nails upon my back With snarled retorts of what I lack You drove your mouth up onto mine You never were the patient kind I worried skin with sharp white teeth You lay there and shook beneath And I could not begin to know Just how far you’d make me go. You wanted much and I said yes My hands were tied beneath your dress You wanted blood and I said no We both had so far to

Spaces Inbetween by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Spaces Inbetween

The clock doesn't strike anymore. You used to call round, and we'd lie awake, listening - but now there is only silence/ thought memory ice in the cold of my veins and red running

Running Across Fields Pt. 7 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 7

There was not a lot for the two of them to say to each other, and Axel was grateful for the official business which needed taking care of, the way that the servants bustled around them, so they almost never had a chance to be alone. Roxas had bags under his eyes and either came to bed after Axel and left before he woke, or was not sleeping at all. He suspected the latter, the way the boy looked in the brief moments that they did see each other, limp and unwashed clothes hanging from his frame, rumpled and stained with ink. He had been banned from the stables, Axel knew, and so it was he who took the horses out, careful on Moxie with his ad

Running Across Fields Pt. 6 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 6

The wedding was going to be a shambles. Weddings were supposed to be big days, days for romance and warmth, sweet kisses and good wines, rich silks and satins. You were supposed to hold hands, taking a step into a new life and dive into your future together. Your betrothed's father was not supposed to die suddenly, three days before, and leave a hole in the ceremony which could not be filled, no matter how much weeping and wringing of hands the servants and the nobles did. Your husband-to-be was not supposed to withdraw, refusing all visitors, and stop being the lick of dawning sweetness you could see yourself coming to love, and become g

Running Across Fields Pt. 5 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 5

As it happened, no one was about to see them, Roxas' stableboys much used to their master's curious habit of wanting to saddle his own horses, as if he were no more than a hostler. The servants were all bustling around making preparations for the wedding, and so no one was there to see two figures, who by all measures of propriety should not even be allowed to speak without a chaperone for fear of indecency, as they slipped into the stables, laughing together like schoolboys. Dressed in their summer silks, they resembled nothing so much as a pair of brightly coloured songbirds, trilling their joy to the sky at the dawn of the hot summer mon

Running Across Fields Pt. 4 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 4

Roxas paused, certain that he could not have heard correctly as Isa led the redhead – Axel – aside and began berating him in a low voice so the sound would not carry. He questioned his father with a glance, and the old man sighed before clapping twice, the signal to the servants that all of them but the essential and trusted few were to leave. Then he turned once more to Roxas and led him to the dais, letting him seat himself on the arm of the chair as he had not done since he was a boy. The blond's eyes danced over the redhead, this time with a new interest. The man was tall and willowy, clearly spirited, green eyes sparkling in a face s

Running Across Fields Pt. 3 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 3

Roxas woke with an aim to do something good for a change, to go and extend the olive branch to his wife and found himself up several hours earlier than was his preference, smartly dressed and holding a bunch of wildflowers he had sent a serving girl to gather for him, knocking at the chambers of his new wife. There was a muffled shout from within, what sounded like a maid, perhaps, low and frustrated, maybe aimed at her serving women, to make them hurry up, and he knocked again, determined to stay until there was an answer. The door remained resolutely shut in his face, however, and after an hour, he gave up, heading to the stables. He wou

Running Across Fields Pt. 2 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 2

The day of his bride's arrival, Roxas was sat in one of the archer's nooks on the coastal wall, the sea breeze ruffling his hair, eyes shut against the sting of it, carrying salt in the air into the fief, bleaching hair blond and turning skin dark with the sun on salty skin. He knew she would be with them in a matter of hours, her caravan coming west, and could not help but wish that she would be attacked by bandits or raiders, that she would never meet him, never grow disappointed, that he would never have to sneer at her habits and moods, that he would never have to admit that he was a failure as an heir. He'd been at the cathouse again l

Running Across Fields Pt. 1 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 1

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. ~Jonathan Carroll, "Outside the Dog Museum" The room was of an opulence that was unmatched by any other around the Torsain Sea, so it was told; the golden silks draping from the window-hangings, the tapestries in the colours of House Frei, gold and blue, the marble on the floor brought in from Corsia, reflecting the light around the large bedchamber. The bed itself was of a pale golden wood, carved like tall tree branches, reaching for a sun that they could never touch; the

Fear/Wish by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Fear/Wish

I know not how to make it that you are not like me. He is not like mine was. But mine was not like that until He was. I have no proof he will not harm you. I can not promise there will be no hurt. I can not stop whatever will happen. Mine took me by the hand Made me feel special Made me feel wanted And no one had ever done that for me befor

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Difficult/Simple by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Difficult/Simple

Spaces Inbetween by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Spaces Inbetween

The clock doesn't strike anymore. You used to call round, and we'd lie awake, listening - but now there is only silence/ thought memory ice in the cold of my veins and red running

Running Across Fields Pt. 7 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 7

Running Across Fields Pt. 1 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Running Across Fields Pt. 1

Fear/Wish by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Fear/Wish

The Choice by Neffectual, literature

Literature

The Choice

They met through a mutual fuck, that's how Reno phrases it, with a smile, although he thinks up something a little more polite when he calls his mother to let her know he's bringing an extra for dinner this Christmas. Axel is everything he's ever wanted; sarcastic and bright, a beam of energy and a force of nature, until he gets to bed and then he goes pliant, biddable, the best kind of submissive, the one who'll fight you every step of the way, but never enough to actually win the battle. He's got a sharp tongue, but a smile behind it to soothe the way, to take the sting out of it. He's sweet, that's what his mother says, grasping his wri

Even If It Didn't Happen by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Even If It Didn't Happen

Once upon a time, there is Axel, and there is Roxas. They read Dickinson and Plath and wind their misery through books and back out again as quotations, as if literature can take the sting out and make it feel a little less like theirs. They swap horror stories – and it's up to you what those stories are, what their pasts are, what part they're going to play in this story. To tell them would be to cheapen them, to call for cries of 'it's not that bad' from others, and this isn't that sort of story. For now, give them yours, give them every silent hatred you've found deep in those dark nights, e

Looking at Yourself: Pt. 20 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Looking at Yourself: Pt. 20

Part Twenty – Arms of Daring Grace Roxas adores Moscow. He wishes he could spend more time here, more time exploring the city; places to eat, tourist traps, the places where all the locals go at night, the proper way to traverse frozen cobbles, the little secret histories that no one speaks about and which you won't find in any of the books published in the roman alphabet. He loves the Cyrillic on the signs and doors, the shape of the letters, the clicking sound of locals exchanging information or bartering over goods, and wonders how long it takes to become fluent, how hard it would be to learn another language. The cold is somethin

Looking at Yourself: Pt. 19 by Neffectual, literature

Literature

Looking at Yourself: Pt. 19

This isn't how it was supposed to go, Axel thinks, sourly, lugging bags to the airport, scowling, face a rictus of misery and upset, and Roxas right beside him, for the moment, just for now – they were supposed to get months together, months of being the couple, being all over each other, trying to keep hands and mouths off each other in rehearsals, not this, not what's happening. And even when it did happen, when their jobs meant they were going to have to be apart, they weren't going to be like this, it was never supposed to be like this. He wants to hold Roxas' hand, but they're both laden with bags, and he's still not sure if that'

KH Tarot: Nine of Pentacles by Neffectual, literature

Literature

KH Tarot: Nine of Pentacles

Nine of Pentacles – Possess Be careful of what you desire because you might receive it When Vexen throws Zexion out of the laboratory and seethes for a week, not even leaving to eat, the ice climbs the castle walls again, thickening, sending partners running for their lovers, sleeping in piles of three or four to keep what little warmth they have, and no reason will come from him. Zexion tries repeatedly to gain entry, but his way is barred by three foot of ice on the doors, and no illusion will get him through those. He curses and swears at them, but to no avail, and they can all hear the sounds of glass smashing and books thudding

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About Neffectual

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Artist // Hobbyist // Literature

May 24, 1989
United Kingdom
Deviant for 14 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Has astrophysicist necromorph fiancée, no discernable personality, rats, a mad cat, love of owls, and an irrational fear of blackberry jam. Omnivore. Knitter. Woman.
Sometimes I like to wear dresses and flounce about pretending I'm a princess.

Favourite Writers

Bradbury, Poe, Lovecraft, Pratchett, Brookmyre

Other Interests

Skiing, swimming, singing, spontaneous combustion

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Neffectual

Jan 3, 2013

New Year

0 min read

And some new writing already happening.  Another bit of Running Through Fields will be up whenever the site lets me sort out the upload, which it's currently not doing, for some unknown reason, so that's 2k more of that up.  Going to be scarce still - got three hospital appointments in the next two months, and that scares me silly, and I'm still too sick to take any of my meds, so that's fun. Going gluten and then dairy free for a couple of months soon, to see if that's any help with anything, and if it is, I'll stay off things, and just whinge about how much I miss bread/butter/cheese/cake. Hopefully this year will be happier and healthier

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Neffectual

Dec 11, 2012

Alive

0 min read

Hi guys! Long absence.  The house is done now (no photos yet, I can never get it clean and tidy enough for my liking) and I'm working as much as I can.  A few recent medical scares as I've picked up asthma and something wrong which is causing abdominal pain and some hospitalisation.  I'm in some new therapy where I get to actually deal with my rape and deconstruct all the frozen thoughts which surround it and keep me broken. I'll be uploading the Big Bang in a few days, which might actually kick me into writing the second part, and I know I need to get ballet fic and all sorts done. Maybe after Christmas, we'll see. But I'm still alive, if

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Neffectual

Jun 18, 2012

Time and Space

0 min read

Well, I've got a house.  I might do an lj entry about it soon, and I'll public it and link it to here, if people might be interested in seeing the state it's in right now. So, I'm not gonna be here.  Again.  I've got a house to renovate, Rae's left her parents' home so I'm worrying about her and coping with my stress over being miles away from her, and if I am writing, I should be working on my Big Bang, which is currnetly some sort of arranged marriage/royalty/Game of Thrones/fantasy land sort of thing. I don't even know, it's about 300 words and is meant to be 25k.  It may not happen, I may just have too much to do and too little time to d